Changes....

So this started hitting me on Friday - When Cherise drove out of the driveway.  Thursday night Jason said to me, "It's going to be weird without Cherise here all the time.  I don't know what we're going to do without her."  Not that I didn't agree with him, but nothing had really started sinking in at this point so I answered to him, "She's not dead.  It's not like we're not going to see her."

Then  Friday came.  I was still fine until we we're all getting ready to leave.  Cherise was going home and we were going to our friend's house so we were all leaving at the same time.  She's saying goodbye to all the kids and Collin just looks at her, waves and says, "Bye" as if it's not any different of a goodbye as the week before. But the thing is - it was.  Cherise and I hugged as if we were never going to see each other again.  We promised to FaceTime together and visit as soon as she gets settled in.  We got all teary eyed and had to hold it in so I wouldn't start gushing.  

My cousin Cherise has been coming here to help us with the kids 3 days a week for almost the last 2 years.  She took care of the kids with love, strength (which you need in this crowd), creativity, and passion.  She became more than a cousin or a babysitter.  She became an extension of Jason, the kids, and I.   And not only would she come here, but then she would bring along her brother Gregg sometimes, or her sister Shannon, or her boyfriend Matt.  But it didn't stop there.  Then she would take turns bringing the kids back to her house for a weekend at a time.  They then became an extension of her family too. I know that we are all family, but there are different levels to family.  Because of this relationship we have become so much closer to my Aunt Heidi, Uncle Scott, Cherise, Shannon and Gregg.  Like it use to be when I was a kid.   How wonderful this has been for all of us.  So I guess as it turns out Jason was right.  It is kind of like loosing someone close and there is a bit of grief happening.  I don't think it's really hit the kids yet.  Next week will be hard.

Now don't get me wrong.  We are so proud of Cherise and this new chapter of her life.  This is exactly what she needs to be doing.  Her journey has been long and she has searched far and near to find this job.  I know everything is going to start falling into place for her now.  It's only the beginning.

So that brings me to tonight.  The littles are starting daycare tomorrow.  I have to admit I've been almost giddy about it.  Sometimes they are just a lot to take at once.  But in all honestly I stated thinking about how they are going to be somewhere else all day long.  I won't hear them in the next room playing, laughing, crying, fighting, or just watching TV.  Ben won't be busting into my office asking if he could talk to me for a minute.  Collin won't running up to me to hug my legs every time I walk out of my office.  It's going to be strangely quiet around here tomorrow.

Jason made a very good observation about Ben tonight.  We think he's a little nervous for tomorrow.  We had my family over for Mother's Day lunch today and with every person that left to go home today he asked if he could go home with them and sleepover.  He'll be fine after he meets some new friends, of this I am sure, but it kind of breaks a little bit of my heart over this.

I know that this will be good in the end, but change is hard.  I can deal with the idea of change, but once the day comes I am nervous myself.  You start to ask the questions if you made the right decision?    Are they really going to be ok?  Are these people really going to watch and care for our babies in the same way that we have?  That Cherise did?  Now I can tell you these are my emotions talking.  I can answer all these questions logically, but my heart strings are still going to be pulling all this week until we are all comfortable with our new situation.

Keep all of us in your prayers that the adjustment will go well for all of us.  Let Cherise be ok in Rockford, let the littles be ok in daycare, and let the rest of us be able to change and be strong for the others.  Thank you.